Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Talking About Goal Setting

Rachel springs a discussion about goal setting !

Prosperity Sisters we welcome you ! This is Rachel Lim Shuling and I'm springing a surprise interview on my sister, Sueyan Lim Shuyan because I want to talk to her, have a discussion with her about goal setting.

R: Sueyan, what do you think about goal setting? How do you feel about goal setting?
S: I feel that goal setting is frightening, because in the past it used to be so easy, like in school, you know what you're working for, and then now, when it is very clear in your mind, you know what you're working for, like an exam, you know there's this goal that you want to do well in this exam, then it's very clear cut. But then in a way, when you are the one setting the test and you are the one setting the goal for the test, then it's like my mind goes “aaah... what goal should I set?”. Guess it doesn't sound very well thought.
R: So for me, the reason why I brought it up is cos I kinda have an opinion about goal setting. That I feel, in fact throughout my life goal setting hasn't worked. It's something that you know adults say you do and it's supposed to be very effective, and important for you to set a date and everything. But I find that the wonderful, amazing things that I've manifested in my life, like a holiday or my dream bed, my wonderful romantic love relationship, or even my family's relationship, all these things is not that I set a goal and demand that this happen by a certain date. Or even say about rearranging the house and making it look nicer. It's not like say I set a certain date and I want it to happen. So like this whole goal setting is very pressurizing and I'm not even convinced that it really works.
S: So why are you asking me about goal setting?
R: Because I feel confused. Like when I read books about success, or books about successful people. They will always emphasize this thing about goal setting.
S: Honestly, I haven't used goal setting for a long time already. Because, I feel that it doesn't really benefit me. I feel too stressed when I try to set a goal. I feel that, I'm not sure if it's the best way but then, or maybe some people might say that I'm not aiming for the best or not reaching high enough, but then I think throughout my university life, that more like I do my best and then what I get, is what I get. And that is pretty good, and I don't aim to be like you know on the dean's list, or the top scorer. Then I still feel that it works out fine for me, that I feel very comfortable with it. And I might not be the highest achiever among all my friends, but probably that's not what I want. I want to like have more balance in other things as well. And I guess some people feel that, you know you have to, like what's the degree of the goal you are setting, you know what I mean. Like some people think of goal setting like you have to set like a super goal, like I must be number one, or I must make a million dollars. Like you know it becomes such a one dimensional focus. Like it has to be on this one thing. And yet, like to me I aim to be more of a all rounder. Maybe I don't aim to be like the number one, but at least I have a successful, you know I have my family, my social, I have career. You know what I mean, be more balanced.
R: Yah, I feel for me also, being happy is important, like more important that your goals in a way. Cos ultimately the reason why you want to have your goal is so you can feel better about yourself, so to feel happy. So in a way it's like, sometimes, it's like the personal experience. The goal setting actually makes me unhappy. So I'm doing my best to make myself happy by being unhappy, so why not I just choose to be happy then. And if goal setting is making me unhappy then perhaps it's the goal setting that needs to be released from my life.
S: I feel that goal setting is about a sense of accomplishment, that you feel satisfied, like “Yes I achieved it” and maybe it terms of goal setting, I use it more smaller scale of like small tasks, rather than like you know 5 year goal or 10 year goal. That kind of goal thing. So I wouldn't say that goal setting is not useful at all that nobody should set any goals. But it can be used in a more simple, moderate usage.
R: So some people may think that we are not go-getters or anything. Like, we're not the kind of people that they are, or that they would prefer us to be. For example, especially when you meet sales, like if you are doing sales and you have a sales manager. Your sales manager will want you to do well. In fact they will, need you to hit a certain target. So it feels like they will pressure, I felt that was what was happening to me, that they were pressuring me to be somebody that they desire me to be. And not honoring and respecting that I am different from who they are or who they want me to be. That I'm not cut out from a book or something. The ideal sales person for the company. Anything else to add sister?
S: I guess there's this conflict of what other people want of you and what you want. And then being able to find that balance.
R: Or like transcend it, to figure out who you truly are and what really works for you. And not, like what other people say is supposed to work and you just agree with them blindly. That's something that we keep learning, we've been learning for some time now. Maybe, it's something that you start learning in your twenties. Well, the reason we are sharing this is that we think that maybe some of you are going through this challenge as well. So just sharing this with you to let you know that we feel this way too. So lighten up, love yourself, be easy on yourself, be good to yourself.

See you again soon :)

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